i never got to say goodbye. that was my thought as i drifted off into sleep last night. it's strange the thoughts and occurences that float through your head as you get ready to fall asleep. i was back in time. somewhere around the summer of 1987. i would have been the prime age of 14 or 15. i used to skate a lot back then and i spent most my time skating and hanging out with ricky, matt, chris my brother, timmy and chris's brother joey.

what i was remembering the most was the girl who lived next store to me in rockwood. her name was christy knight. we were buddies. when i wasn't off with the boys, she and i would chill for hours on the swings. it wouldn't be that big of a deal if she hadn't been like the hottest girl in our high school. i wasn't supposed to be hanging out with this girl. i saw her best friend kim the other night at the movies and i so desperately wanted to just say hi. i think that's what started this whole thing. i haven't seen either of these two since christy moved away when i was 17. my last memory of her is driving behind her down huron river drive and she smiled at me in the rear view mirror and i never got to say goodbye. of course i find out later on that she had a crush on me and never ever told me out of fear of what the cool kids might say. it was high school what do you want?

the other thought that crossed my mind before i drifted off into sleep is that i never got to officially say goodbye to ricky. the last time i remember seeing him is outside of stroh's ice cream in wyandotte. it was weird too. i was out for a bike ride and i decided to head home because i had to poo. so i turned the corner to head back and there's ricky with his two daughters and his wife. so we talked for a few moments, his wife takes a picture of us and i leave in disgust. ricky and i had a huge falling out quite a few years earlier(that's another story). i cruise back to my house and think nothing of it. a year later i get a call from him telling me he's got cancer and that we should talk. like an ass, i kept blowing him off. one year later i get a call from his mom telling me he's dead. my stupid, hard ass never made it to see him. and for that, i'll have to live with this feeling of guilt for the rest of my life. of course getting chewed out in front of his whole family by his little sister andrea at the funeral didn't help. the two things that still bother me the most are that i never got to say i'm sorry and i never got to say goodbye.