what's better? to love something you can't have or to be numb? i pondered this question all day. i decided to just leave it alone. it doesn't help anything. i'm good at making a bad situation worse. for being a person who tries to be conscience of my decisions, i sure have been making bad ones lately.

i had the pleasure of re-visiting zug island today. things are bad in the steel industry and they are laying off. so, i got to be what they call "bumped" back the the hellhole where you actually are made by OSHA to wear a respirator. no matter what. it smells really bad there and i hate the job. i get toshovel coal from here to eternity or i get to work on the only place where the elevator to hell goes up. it has me really depressed. they say when it rains it pours. so i guess i'm in a hurricane.

the only plus side to all this is i'm jamming with the same two people this tuesday as long as one of them doesn't get bogged down with finals. it's exciting stuff and if it continues, i can't wait for everyone to hear it.

i need a nap and food. my mind won't let me have either lately.